Dear ElGuyo

Since I started this blog, I’ve had an insane amount of mail from all over the world. I thought I’d take some time to answer a few emails.

Dear ElGuyo,

I love your blog. You really sound like a weird guy. I noticed that most of your blog entries are about motor vehicles. Are you obsessed with cars and motorcycles?

Sincerely,

Blog Reader in Detroit


Dear Reader,

Thank you for your email. I’m glad you enjoy my blog. If you think I’m weird, you should look at yourself. I mean, you read my blog. Don’t you have anything better to do? No, I’m not obsessed with automobiles. I’ve just had a few recent experiences with them.


Dear ElGuyo,

Are you really as lazy as you sound in your blog?

-Hans, East Germany


Dear Hans,

Yes.

Dear ElGuyo,

I’ve been reading your blog for several weeks now. I just can’t get over your name. I mean, what kind of a name is ElGuyo?? I don’t believe that’s your real name. I think you made it up. What are the odds of a dude named ElGuyo marrying a chick named ElGirlo? What gives?

Yours truly,

Ruth, Deluth

Dear Ruth,

Nothing gets past you! You’re right. My real name is not ElGuyo. That’s actually my e-name. I chose this pseudonym to disguise my real name in case any deranged lunatics out there might start reading this blog and decide to stalk me or something. I’ve been stalked twice, and neither time was a pleasant experience. I would have called ElGirlo ElGallo since gal jives with guy. The problem is, ElGallo and ElGuyo would be pronounced the same way. Then if we were ever in a busy airport and someone recognized one of us and called out, “Hey ElG-I-O!” we wouldn’t know who they were calling out to. The real issue here, Ruth, is you. I mean, is Ruth your real name? Ruth from Deluth?? Sounds a little fishy.



Dear ElGuyo,

All I do is read your blog over and over. I’ve become obsessed with you. I can’t sleep. I can’t eat. I can’t take it anymore. If I ever find out who you are, I must kill you to put an end to it all!

Love,

Deranged in New Delhi

Dear Deranged,

This is why I write under a pseudonym!


Dear ElGuyo,

Mega dittos from the Midwest! I agree that Hillary is a feminazi freak, but the alternative—Obama—is a communist wacko. I think despite our misgivings about McCain, we conservatives need to rally behind him so we can fight liberalism!

-Buck, Colorado


Dear Buck,

I’m afraid you have me confused with “ElRushbo.”


Dear ElGuyo,

When are you going to grow up, get serious about life, and put an end to this blogging nonsense?

-Disappointed in Idaho


Dear Disappointed,

Thanks for the concern, Dad. Can I borrow a hundred bucks?

Well, that’s all the time I have for now. Keep those emails coming!